Since I didn’t get on Masterchef this year I’ve decided I should instead be the first person in the history of the world to tweet my way through a marathon. Specifically, the Gold Coast Marathon. It’s one of the most logical conclusions I’ve ever drawn to be honest. I didn’t get on a cooking show, therefore I should run a marathon.
I was going to enter the half marathon, but it starts at 6.10am on a Sunday whereas the full marathon starts at 7.10am, so technically I could still adhere to my ‘don’t ever never ever get out of bed before 7am on a Sunday’ policy and still be able to compete. My training has been going well so far but I’m not a morning person, so I always end up running in the middle of the day (or at the end of the day, and in Brisbane it’s just as hot then anyway). I think that strategy will ultimately fare me well anyway because if I’m used to running in 30 degree heat and 95% humidity, carving it up at 7.10am in winter is going to be a breeze. It’s a bit like training to ride the escalators at the airport by climbing Everest.
Anyway, I was in Toowoomba visiting my family the other day for Easter and I figured that it would be a good place to get in some altitude/hill training, because where I live in Brisbane is dead flat and at sea level and the most climbing I ever do on a run near home is the front steps. I don’t know if there are any hills on the Gold Coast Marathon, but I figure it’s best to be prepared. I canvassed opinions in mum and dad’s lounge room the other night and they suggested the best place to go for a hilly run was Tabletop Mountain, on the south side of town. Mum and dad had walked up it the other day and mum vomited and passed out from exhaustion so it seemed ideal.
Me: “OK cool, but I want to run up it, can I run up it? I want to run at least 10km or there’s no point…”
Dad: “It’s a bit rough, there’s lots of shale, It’s pretty steep.”
Brother: “Just start at the lookout in town instead of the actual carpark, then it will be about a five kay round trip and you can run most of it.”
Me: “OK cool, have you got a map.”
Brother: “Here, I’ll show you on my iPhone. You start near the water tower here, which Emily (Brother’s Girlfriend) thinks is a space ship.”
Brother’s Girlfriend Emily: “It’s near the big flag. And I don’t think it’s a spaceship, he made that up.”
Me: “OK, so is it all sign posted and stuff?”
Brother: “No, sort of, it’s a popular track, you’ll be fine.”
Me: “OK. What do you mean by ‘pretty steep’, can I run up it?”
Dad: “It’ll be hard, but…”
Brother: “You’ll be fine. Some guy rode down it on a unicycle the other day.”
Me: “OK. I’ll get up at 7 or something so I can start running at 8.”
Everyone: “OK.”
Naturally I was feeling pumped.
And naturally I slept in a bit so I didn’t get to the start of the run until precisely 10:37am. I know that because the second I started running BFF called. I’m calling him ‘BFF’, as opposed to his real name because, well…
Me: “Hey dude, I’m just about to go for a run, what’s up.”
BFF: “Are you going for a run in the Woomba?”
Me: “Yeah, it’s going to be cool. I’m running up a mountain.”
BFF: “OK, cool, I was just calling to let you know I took too much acid last night and I’m just going to bed now and I’m still freaking out a little bit so I won’t be coming to your place tonight.”
Me: “OK sweet, are you alright?”
BFF: “Yeah, I think so. The green bear left a little while ago, everything has been pretty quiet since.”
Me: “OK cool, well, I’ll give you a buzz tomorrow.”
BFF: “OK dude.”
Me: “Ciao Bella.”
BFF: “Me love.”
Me: “Me love.” (It’s a bromance thing my male BFF’s say which loosely translates to ‘hey man, nice talking to you, you rock, catch you later).
So I set off from Picnic Point in Toowoomba. For anyone who knows Toowoomba, you’ll know it’s one of the higher edges of The Great Dividing Range. To get to Tabletop Mountain you have to run down the side of The Great Dividing Range and then across a little valley, and then up Tabletop Mountain, which, at 700m above sea level, happens to be exactly the same height as Toowoomba. It could be best described as a folly. Smart people just drive to the carpark at the bottom and make the climb from there.
In picture terms, this was my goal:
In fact, it looked like a piece of piss. I’d run in the Swiss Alps before, this thing looked like an anthill. The thing is, it’s only 3km away as the crow flies, but because you have to run down a mountainside the track winds a lot and you end up running 10km as a return trip.
The first bit to the base of the mountain was easy. Because it was basically a road. In fact, it wasn’t ‘basically’ a road, it was a road. I could see why the family had recommended it to run on.
Then it looked like this:
And then it looked like this:
Which was quite a lovely rock climb, but not exactly running terrain.
The view from the top was nice though.
And there was some cactus. On the top of a mountain. Which I thought was strange enough to take a photo of.
Moral to the story: My family are crap marathon coaches, Tabletop Mountain is a nice rock climb and a crap run.
The End.
Oh, and if you’re interested, here’s a Google Map of the route you take. It’s a rough map, but you’ll get the idea.
Tags: Tabletop Mountain, Toowoomba